pastorjfreeman

It’s amazing when I think about what I would do to make Trey well. There is NOTHING I wouldn’t do to help him or take his place. In a heartbeat I would lay down my life if it meant he could take up his! Oh how I love him so…

But as I thought about that today, I was quickly preminded how much more God loves Trey than I do…which is hard to imagine…but He does! In fact, He loved Trey so much, He did come down and He did take his place. Jesus died in Trey’s place on the Cross and by His stripes, Trey is healed. As Tim Keller has said, “Jesus hates suffering, injustice, evil, and death so much…He came and experienced it Himself to defeat it, and to someday wipe the world clean of it.”

Jesus has already done the greatest miracle of all in Trey’s life…He has saved his soul! It’s very easy to lose sight of that miracle in the midst of wanting him also healed on this earth. I’m just grateful to God…so incredibly grateful that He did take Trey’s place…that He does love Trey more than me…and that He is working in Trey and holding him close to His heart.

So…in tears, Lord, I say thank you! Thank you for that phone call I got in the middle of the night in January where Trey said, “Dad, I’m a Christian now.” Thank you that You’re not finished with Trey yet. Thank you that all of this is in Your hands. Thank you for taking Trey’s place. Thank you Jesus! Help us not to lose sight of the greater things…the eternal things that You have done. We love You Lord!”

Emily just called and the flow cytometry test results came back. The percentage of abnormal cells went from 20% to 50%. It has been as high at 62.5% back in February…but this is still not very good news. We are going to begin using Campath again on Monday or Tuesday next week. The Campath helped before, but was always harder on Trey’s skin and body…but we are left without options and must try it again. The last time Trey had Campath, he still had his spleen, so perhaps he will respond better with the spleen being out. Only God knows. Needless to say, it will be critical for Trey’s body to respond well.

Here is the Psalm I have come to often and read once again this morning. It’s interesting because I often come to this Psalm on challenging days…the Lord is good to give His truth at the most needed times:

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have said, “Seek my face.” My heart says to you, “Your face, Lord, do I seek.” I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord (Psalm 27:1, 3, 5, 7, 8, 13, 14).”

When I think back to when all this began with Trey in September 2012, I honestly had no idea what I…what we…would be facing. Anyone who knows me, knows I have always worried about Trey. I often wondered if he would need another transplant in his life just because he always seemed to struggle. So…in September 2012, when he began getting sick and we could not figure out what was wrong, we began a journey we never really fully saw coming.

Little did we know though what kind of help he was going to be needing. We hoped he would be able to rally or fight this off on his own until we discovered that what he was facing would require the most intense and extensive of treatments. So…as we journeyed into December and watched him endure chemo and another transplant, we thought that surely those things would work and help put him on a course of health and healing. Well, once again, things did not work as we had hoped and Trey began to have more set backs as early as February of this year. The set backs were major and caused us once again to embark on a journey we did not foresee.

So…since February, we have been fighting one of the most aggressive kinds of diseases you can fight, and we are throwing everything at it. As I have said before, we are in uncharted waters. What Trey has is extremely rare and there isn’t a proven protocol of treatment that we know will work. So…as we learn more about what he has, we are hoping to offer him things that will help him fight and win this battle that he is bravely enduring. BUT…we are running out of options, and once again, we find ourselves in a position and on a journey we did not foresee. We truly are desperate for the Lord’s intervention and are asking Him daily for help.

However, as I write this, I am mindful of so many others suffering right along side us. I think about my brother in law and sister in law who are learning how to move on with their life after losing their newborn son; I think about my mother in law who is battling an incredibly difficult battle with her stage four cancer; I think about friends of ours whose 12 year old son is in the fight of his life with cancer; I think about a young pastor friend of mine whose wife was just diagnosed with cancer and will be undergoing extensive chemotherapy for months…and on and on! It’s just overwhelming to think about what we and so many others are facing. I have days where I don’t feel like I can open my eyes and then days where I feel like I’m walking on water…it is a very up and down journey…a journey I didn’t ask for or foresee.

BUT…this one thing I know, for those of us in Christ…THERE IS HOPE!!! There is a real, eternal hope because our God has come and conquered sin, sickness, death, disease…ALL THINGS!!! He has overcome and through Him we will overcome too. He has journeyed father than anyone of us; He’s aware of our journey; He’s charting the course…He is Lord of the journey!

My dad preached at a church this weekend and a lady walked up to him after and said, “The reason your grandson is not being healed is because there is a sin in either your son or daughter-in-law’s life.” That of course upset my father and I, of course, do not know this lady, but here is what I would tell her if I knew her…I have plenty of sin in my life, but through the Cross of Jesus Christ, I have been declared forgiven and clean and free. Because of the redemptive work of Jesus, He doesn’t hold my sin over me or my family. Now, my wife and I are FAR from perfect (she’s pretty close though :-)) and at times I feel like the chief of sinners, but I know that I have bowed my knee to Jesus and every sin has been made white through the shed blood of Jesus…and through Him we are not condemned, but rather free!!!

I would also tell this lady what Jesus told his disciples in John 9,

“And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him (John 9:2-3).”

Emily and I believe that for whatever reason, God has allowed our son to have what he has so that the works of God might be displayed through his little life. We are praying that God gets immense glory from Trey’s life…whatever that looks like in the end.

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and there is no way I could ever say thank you to God enough for the grace He has shown me…but one of the greatest things Emily and I have ever done was to have Trey. God gave Trey to us and He gave him to us for a reason…and God is in charge of every single breath he has and every single day he will live. We KNOW that God is holding Trey and He will do what is best for him. Oh, we pray God sees fit to heal him on this earth, but we must rest in whatever it is that He has decided. We rest in His finished work.

As I have said before, Trey is a gift, and we are on a journey we never saw coming…but our God is the Lord of this journey and we are just daily trying the best we can to trust Him. Today was a hard day, but I am confident that my God is Lord of the hard and easy days. I am confident that He is Lord when I have faith and when I doubt. I am confident that He is Lord…period!!! And I am just thankful daily that He does not give me what I deserve, because if He did, I would surely perish!!! But our God is a God of grace and mercy and through the Cross He has shown He is big enough to cover it all…all He asks is that we love and trust Him…and by the grace of God, that is what we are trying to do everyday.

So, where is the journey heading? I wish I knew. How will this journey end? I wish I knew. Who is in charge though? The Lord Jesus Christ…that I do know without any question. He is Lord over all…in all…and through all…and to Him be all the glory.

This song has some tremendous lyrics and is really ministering to me. I also posted a you tube link below to listen to it:

“Help Me Find It” – Sidewalk Prophets

I don’t know where to go from here
It all used to seem so clear
I’m finding I can’t do this on my own

I don’t know where to go from here
As long as I know that You are near
I’m done fighting
I’m finally letting go

I will trust in You
You’ve never failed before
I will trust in You

[Chorus:]
If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone

Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go

I will wait for You
You’ve never failed before
I will wait for You

I lift my empty hands (come fill me up again)
Have Your way my King (I give my all to You)
I lift my eyes again (Was blind but now I see)
‘Cause You are all I need

Well, it’s been a little while since we updated everyone on Trey…so, here we go:

Trey was able to stay home for 5 days. It was a great time. He got to see a few friends, see some movies, and just enjoy being home. He really did pretty well. He had some occasional nausea and stomach issues, but no fever or severe pain. We were grateful for that. On Wednesday, Trey threw up a few times and felt a little puny, but was still doing pretty good. He also had a low grade temp.

As scheduled, Emily took Trey back to Dallas yesterday (Thursday) and things just got a little worse with him throughout the day. He started running a fever, was having more stomach pain, along with having diarrhea and throwing up. Not what we wanted to see him do, but it happened nonetheless.

Again, as planned, Trey was admitted to the hospital and received his photopheresis treatment yesterday. He handled that pretty well, but really had a rough night with more diarrhea and vomiting.

The doctor thinks Trey has an infection and they have begun running cultures and starting antibiotics. They also did another flow cytometry test yesterday and we should know the results by Monday. That will tell us, once again, where we are with the abnormal cells in his body. We are praying for 20% or less again.

I would add this and this is VERY important. Although Trey’s skin is better in certain areas, it is also worse in other places. His face, arms and legs are not better and he is very red. None of our doctors want to proceed with the next transplant until this is under control…they just feel it would not be good for Trey to move forward with such a big problem in his skin.

They have also been clear that they are running out of “bullets” to use to help fight this disease…which means, we REALLY need the current treatment to work. Our doctor used the word “miracle” this morning, which he said might be needed for Trey’s skin to totally clear up. It’s a good thing we serve a God who specializes in miracles…and we are asking Him daily for one :-).

We are also really praying for the current treatment to begin working. We feel it has worked to some degree, and even if it takes a while to work…we just need it to KEEP working. What we cannot afford to happen is for the medicine to stop working. If this current regiment somehow starts to fail, I’m just not sure where what we will do next.

Please keep praying about all this. We have had some really good days with Trey, but just can’t seem to get over this huge hurdle with his skin. We are asking in desperation for the Lord to touch Trey’s skin. Please join us in asking the Lord for this.

I’ll update more tomorrow or Sunday as we have more information. Right now, Trey won’t be coming back home until his infection clears. So, please pray this gets resolved as well.

Thank you.

Once again, things are ever changing in our world. We are going to begin attempting a new schedule with Trey in an effort to get him healthier in every way for his next transplant. So, here is the new plan:

Basically, Trey will be in the hospital for 3-4 days each week, and home 3-4 days each week. For instance, we are probably going to head home this evening or tomorrow morning, and then return to Dallas next Thursday for treatment. His treatment involves 2 days of Photopheresis and one days of Romidepsin…and depending on how he responds determines how long we stay in the hospital. We, along with the doctors, just think this is a good thing. He does better at home. He eats more, walks more, interacts more and relaxes more. We will just have to work hard to keep him isolated and healthy. We want him home, as long as it does not jeopardize his health or set him back further. So, we are going to try it and see what happens.

We have several very important prayer requests, and we would be honored if you would pray with us about these things and rally others to pray as well:

1. Pray that Trey stays protected. Being home will obviously expose him to more things, but we pray God just puts a bubble of protection around him and our other children;
2. Pray that as he’s home…he heals! In my heart, I just feel this is best for Trey. Pray his cell counts stay up and close to normal…especially his platelets and white blood cell count;
3. Pray the abnormal cells will stay suppressed and keep decreasing in percentage;
4. Pray for no fevers, infections or bleeding;
5. Pray he has an appetite and will eat…we need him eating and drinking in order to keep him home. Please pray about this;
6. Pray for HIS SKIN!!! Please petition to the Lord to bring healing to his skin. He’s like a snake that is completely peeling off his outer skin…we desperately need healing to occur here.

All in all, we think this is a very good decision for Trey. We have no idea how many days we have left with Trey, but you can bet that we will savor each one…and being at home will only help. I’m just excited to have him back and our kids will be excited as well. Truly, there is no place like home.

We love each of you and thank you more than we can say for praying with us.

I’ve been reading this passage and praying through it today. There is some really powerful stuff in here…stuff I needed to be reminded of today. May prayer is that I would not fear, but that I would only believe! I have to remind myself of that daily…do not fear, only believe! Do not fear, only believe! As the Psalmist said, “I sought The Lord and He answered me, and He delivered me from all my fear.” And as Psalm 56:3 says, “When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

“And when Jesus had crossed again in the boat to the other side, a great crowd gathered about him, and he was beside the sea. Then came one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jarius by name, and seeing him, he fell at his feet and implored him earnestly, saying, “My little daughter is at the point of death. Come and lay your hands on her, so that she may be made well and live.” And he went with him. And a great crowd followed him and thronged about him.

And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse. She had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. For she said, “If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.” And immediately the flow of blood dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. And Jesus, perceiving in himself that power had gone out from him, immediately turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my garments?” And his disciples said to him, “You see the crowd pressing around you, and yet you say, ‘Who touched me?’ ” But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling and fell down before him and told him the whole truth. And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”

While he was still speaking, there came from the ruler’s house some who said, “Your daughter is dead. Why trouble the Teacher any further?” But overhearing what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue, “Do not fear, only believe.” And he allowed no one to follow him except Peter and James and John the brother of James.

They came to the house of the ruler of the synagogue, and Jesus saw a commotion, people weeping and wailing loudly. And when he had entered, he said to them, “Why are you making a commotion and weeping? The child is not dead but sleeping.” And they laughed at him. But he put them all outside and took the child’s father and mother and those who were with him and went in where the child was. Taking her by the hand he said to her, “Talitha cumi,” which means, “Little girl, I say to you, arise.” And immediately the girl got up and began walking (for she was twelve years of age), and they were immediately overcome with amazement. And he strictly charged them that no one should know this, and told them to give her something to eat (Mark 5:21-31, 33-43).”

Well, Trey was able to be home for 3 nights…it was fantastic! He did really well. He got to see some friends, play with his siblings, see two movies, see some fireworks, and just relax. I was so happy for him. I love to just watch him being a kid. I have almost forgotten what that is like for him, but to see joy on his face…it really is priceless.

We left early for the hospital this morning and got here around 10am. Once we got here, it was a whirlwind. He had to go to his regular doctor’s office first, then be admitted to his regular room, and then get ready for the photopheresis treatment (which is an extensive process). I did bring Clayton, one of his older brothers back with us, which gives him someone to play with. Trey will like that.

Any way, I’m not sure what the new normal will look like for Trey, or when the next transplant will be. His skin is a little better, but no where near being cleared up yet. We REALLY need some drastic improvement with his skin situation. His platelets also continue to struggle. When he gets a platelet transfusion, they shoot up significantly, but after a few days, they go back down. We need his platelets to stabilize on their own. Please pray about that. We are just waiting for Trey’s skin situation to stabilize, and the percentage of abnormal cells to go back down, so we can move to the next transplant. We, of course, are assuming those things WILL happen and are asking/trusting the Lord to help.

So, if we could ask you to pray for anything, it would be three things:
1. The percentage of abnormal cells to go lower;
2. For his platelets to stabilize and keep producing on their own; and
3. For his skin condition to continue to heal!

Thanks for praying with us. We love you.

As you know, things are always changing quickly with Trey and this weekend was no exception. On Saturday, I just mentioned to the doctor that it would be nice to give Trey a little hospital break at some point. We, of course, only wanted to do it if Trey was healthy enough and would not be jeopardized any further. The doctor said it was a good possibility because Trey’s numbers have been holding steady.

The next morning, our doctor came in and told Emily that he though Trey could go home and stay home until Wednesday. Well, I was back in Newcastle handling my Sunday responsibilities, so our friend, Shawna, just dropped everything and left for Dallas immediately to pick them up. We are so blessed to have friends like this. Trey was discharged around 4pm and home by about 7:30pm last night…and for the first time in many months, we were all under one roof again. Just plain awesome!

We are praying for a good three days for Trey. We just want him to relax and have fun. I sat next to my wife in our living room last night and just smiled watching Trey enjoying being home. Truly…there is no greater feeling! We praise the Lord for this extra measure of God’s grace!

Things happened so fast yesterday and I was so busy with all my Sunday stuff that I just didn’t have time to post anything. Any way, please pray that Trey can heal even more at home these few days, have no surprises, and shock the doctors with how well he looks when he goes back on Monday! Oh Lord, may it be!

Love everyone and thanks for praying!

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” -C.S. Lewis

Thankful today for God’s presence in our lives! I am resting in the reality that I do not have to understand why things happen…there doesn’t even have to be a silver lining…but rather, and most importantly, God is with us, IN us, and for us! His presence is all we need and because of that, we can endure and will overcome!