pastorjfreeman

One of my favorite songs by Rich Mullins. Click the link to listen:

Here are the lyrics:

Well, sometimes my life just don’t make sense at all; when the mountains look so big and my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, ’cause I’m shaking like a leaf, You have been King of my glory won’t You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark, it’s so hot inside my soul I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus, ’cause I’m shaking like a leaf, You have been King of my glory won’t You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don’t come natural to me
I’d rather fight You for something I don’t really want than to take what You give that I need, and I’ve beat my head against so many walls now I’m falling down, I’m falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn, and Your grace rings out so deep it makes my resistance seem so thin

I’m singing hold me Jesus, ’cause I’m shaking like a leaf You have been King of my glory, won’t You be my Prince of Peace, You have been King of my glory
Won’t You be my Prince of Peace

If the statement is true that those who grieve much, loved much…then I must have loved Trey more than I even knew was possible.

When I look back at pictures from this last year, even though he struggled so much, he brought me tremendous joy. I didn’t even realize the extent of such joy until he was gone. There is such a hole in my heart…a hole that will remain until I see him again. It’s like trying to live, when a large part of you has died. It’s such a strange feeling. The good news is that this won’t last forever…because I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN! I’m so grateful to the Lord for that. The overcoming work of Jesus Christ has never meant more.

One thing for sure though…life doesn’t stop, and we have to keep rolling with it or get rolled over by it. Even the simple things are hard right now, but Emily and I are both trying to do “the next right thing.” I’m so grateful my church has given me some time off to rest. Emily and I also have not realized how tired we are. This last year took a toll on us too.

So…as I approach another day, I’m just praying for the grace to get through it. I’m not thinking about tomorrow or next week…just right now, just today…and I pray God gives us what we need to endure. As the Scripture says, “His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in our weakness.” I’m very grateful for that truth.

Thanks for praying for us. We will get through this…we will be okay…God will continue to get glory…and we will continue to see Trey’s impact, both on our family and the world around us. We love each of you.

What I’d give to have him lay on my chest tonight! One day though…one day. Love you Trey and miss you more than I can say. I know you’re loving heaven though…and that makes me smile…and I know Jesus is holding you. He is good.

Lord won’t You give me strength to make it through somehow…I’ve never been more homesick than now!

I love this song…it’s what I feel everyday right now:

As we drive home, from this point forward, we will either focus on the storm behind us or the sun before us! Oh Lord, help us to keep our gaze on the heavens!

We took our first family picture without Trey today, in a spot we’ve taken a family picture for years. It was hard and not the same without the Trey-man…but we are trying to move forward as best as we can. He may not be here physically, but he’s definitely in our hearts forever. #missingmyhero

“Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good…and after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. (1 Peter 4:19; 5:10).”

Oh God, help to believe this and walk in this today. Help us to carry Trey in our hearts, but set our minds on things above!

“And the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing in its streets.”

Last summer (2012), as always, we went with Emily’s family to the mountains of Colorado. Emily’s grandfather has a ranch where we like to stream fish. All my boys wanted to go, but I only wanted to take the older boys because it is hard to have little ones on the ranch. Emily insisted that I take all three boys, so me and my boys; Emily’s dad; my brother in law Ben, and his daughter Haley; and my other brother in laws, Matt and Dan all headed off to fish.

When we got there, it was cool and overcast…and muddy. So, my boys got messy very quick. I sent Caleb with Matt; Clayton went with his grandpa Larry, and Trey went with me. We started fishing up and down the stream. Trey and I caught one fish together…he loved that…we had lots of other nibbles, but no more catches.

So…we were walking along the stream and all of a sudden, it started raining…and not just raining, but hailing. Trey and I ran into some bushes to take cover, but the hail was still hitting us. Trey was not liking that…so, I put Trey under me as I hunched over him. As I covered him and let the hail hit my back, I felt so good knowing I was protecting my son. He felt nothing!

Once the hail was over, we headed back to the car…Trey was done! :-) So, we changed his clothes, I got his lunch ready for him, and he played with his figures in the car until everyone else returned.

I’m so glad Emily made me take him that day. As I reflect on that and think about the brief protection I provided for him, I’m now rejoice in the eternal protection God is providing for him. Trey truly is hiding under the shadow of God’s wings. Thank you Jesus for loving and protecting my son…and for saving his life and healing him eternally.

I miss him still so much though…things just aren’t the same. I love you Trey…ALWAYS!

So far we are having as good of a time as possible in the beauty of God’s creation. Emily and I do not really have bad days, as a whole, just difficult moments throughout each day. It is still very unreal to us that our son is not here. I keep thinking I need to call and check on him; order food for him; tuck him in; pack his stuff; and on and on. I still feel he is very much with us. It’s an incredibly surreal feeling.

However, I’ve been immersing myself in a study of heaven and plan to begin preaching at the end of this month on the glories and realities of heaven. I will be putting our current study of Ephesians on hold and hopefully encouraging myself and our church as I preach about the new heavens and new earth that are to come. I will also be answering questions about eternity in this study…questions I have had myself.

Our kids are holding up okay as well. They are journaling everyday and writing down memories of Trey and how Trey’s legacy will live on through them. I put a picture of them at the bottom of this post. I’m so proud of them and how they are each handling this incredibly difficult time.

Emily is hanging in there as well. I see her getting stronger every day…but she, like me, has difficult moments each day. All it takes is one memory or thought of Trey to stir our emotions…but by the grace of God, we are holding each other up and making it each day so far. As I have posted before, the Puritan Proverb that speaks to us is: “Life is a little less sweet; death is a little less bitter; and heaven is a little more real.” We are experiencing the reality of that proverb every moment of every day.

Please keep us in your prayers. Also, feel free to send us messages as to how Trey’s life has impacted yours. We get messages daily and could never reply to them all…but each one blesses us, so keep them coming.

I think God for my son’s life. God used my 7 year old to CHANGE everything about my life. I would give anything to have him back and hold him again, but his life served an incredible purpose and now ALL THINGS have been made clear to him. Oh how I long to see what he sees.

I love you Trey and your life will live on through me. You remain the greatest influence in my life. Thank you for the way your trusted God and endured so faithfully. Thank you for finishing well. I only pray I can be as faithful as you. I love you buddy! You will forever be my hero!