I’m mindful of this truth today:
“I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better (Philippians 1:23).”
Trey experiences that which is “FAR BETTER!” Oh how I long to see what he sees and behold the One he beholds. My prayer today is that I would live in light of eternity…setting my mind ONLY on things above. May we all remember today that nothing this world offers even remotely comes close to what we will have in eternity with Christ!
Even so…come Lord Jesus!
I wept as I read your blogs stretching over the past 4 or 5 weeks. You described feelings that I have experienced but could never put them into words like you have. The pain of losing a child cannot be communicated. Our child was 16 years old, a vibrant and fun-loving daughter. I wrapped a towel around my head and cried loudly. I wanted no one to hear me. I think the best thing I did was cry with my wife. It was small comfort at the time but it welded us together and we covenanted to talk when our souls were about to burst. It was especially hard for me. I never cried at funerals. I never cried. But when my wife saw my eyes brimming she reminded me that we agreed to talk. I hated it but when I did, it helped some and it drew us closer together. It got easier to talk about it but tears still flowed. Sometimes she cried when I didn’t and I would cry when she didn’t. Somethings triggered an eruption in her heart that didn’t hit me the same way. We called them “sidewinders” because they came when we least expected them. A friend told me that “God gave us water to wash our faces and tears to wash our souls.” We were so comforted by our church family. When I was given permission to take some time off from work and go away someplace, I didn’t want to. It wasn’t that I felt no one could do my job, I simply could not go away from the people who energized me and kept me going. Months later we went to Hawaii and in a shopping mall, we heard beautiful music. We went in the direction from where it came and a little bookstore was playing some acapella music of hymns I knew as a child. We bought the album of 52 hymns, cost was not a factor. We drove back to our condo an hour away and played that music. Our hearts hung on every word and we wept the entire trip back. We played the music over and over and that is when we began to heal. Our belief in a Sovereign God whose will and ways are right kept us stable through those days. We thanked God that we had her as long as we did. He did not have to give her to us in the first place, so we counted our blessings. In some ways, we never wanted the ache to go away. We wanted to honor her and cherish her. To not grieve felt like being disloyal to her. Feelings are not always rational. Twenty years have passed and we still miss her, our children miss her. You never get over it. But, time has a way of restoring us to productive living. I lost my sense of creativity and found that hard physical work was good for me. It took two years before I began to feel the creative juices again. We found the Word of God to be our daily nutrition and we ate volumes. We never skipped a day dining on His Word, not even the day after our daughter’s death. Occasionally circumstances have hindered us but we’re not going to be legalistic about it. Life will never be the same without Trey but life can be sweet and you can make a difference as you heal. I cannot say that I understand what you are going through. Everyone’s situation is different. Jeremy and Emily, you probably don’t know me but as I read your blogs, I was urged by the Holy Spirit to include you in my prayer life. I pray for many people on a daily basis and I will be praying for you. When you find it hard to pray, and you will, be comforted in the fact that someone is praying for you. I will be praying. Jesus will be interceding and the Holy Spirit will be praying too.
These were such encouraging comments. Thank you my brother and thank you for praying for us. We love you!