We took our children to the fair today…again, trying to be normal when nothing really is normal. It was hard. The last time we were at the fair, Trey was with us…full of life and energy. He would have loved so many things today.
At one point today, my kids were on a ride with Emily and I was watching our stuff…when all of a sudden, something hit me. As I looked around, I became startling aware of the fact that for the rest of my life, I am going to have to choose to live. I am going to have to choose to be happy. These things will no longer come naturally to me. I am going to have to choose to see the beauty in things even though part of me does not want to. I am going to have to choose to enjoy my kids and pour myself into them every day, even though part of me will not want to. The biggest choice of all though…everyday…will be to choose to die to self and let the Lord live through me. That’s the only way I will make it. It will have to be His joy living through my surrendered life. But as the song says, “Surrender does not come natural to me.” I will have to choose daily to surrender everything to Jesus…which of course, will be a battle.
I know that the days I allow the Lord to live through me will be good days…and the days I don’t, well…they will be tough. I know that in Christ, I am an overcomer…a victor…a conqueror! I also know that apart from Him, I can do nothing. The choice will be mine to make every day, and I just pray God gives me the grace and strength to choose Him over myself.