It was at this time, on this day, last year when Trey closed his earthly eyes for the last time, but opened his eternal eyes for the first time in the presence of Christ!
Trey only had one question every day when the doctors made their rounds, and the question was, “Can I go home?” As you know, on September 1, 2013, Trey finally went home!
I plan to write a deeper reflection a little later today. We love you Trey and miss you forever.
My family and I spent our annual vacation in Colorado this past week. My wife has gone to Colorado virtually every Summer since she was a child…and that tradition has continued in our marriage and with our children. We generally go with all of Emily’s family, all rent one big house, and just pack in together…all 20 of us (10 kids and 10 adults). It is a blast. We so LOVE Colorado in the Summer. It is such an incredibly beautiful and relaxing place.
This year’s trip, for several reasons, was different though. This was the first time we had been back to Colorado with Emily’s family without her mom, Cynthia, and without our son, Trey. Trey and Cynthia LOVED Colorado. We have so many memories with both of them in Colorado, so it was difficult to say the least. However, it was also good in some ways. Coming back to the place they loved so much keeps them close in all of our hearts. Even though they were not physically with us, in some ways, being in Colorado made us feel like they were with us. I saw Trey in the family hikes, sunrises and sunsets, kick ball games, fishing trip, fun on the mountain top, riding the chair lifts, shopping on Main St, walking in the stream, pictures we took, and on and on! So…in many ways, being in Colorado was such a good thing. Some healing always happens for us in the mountains.
While I was in Colorado though, I ran almost every day. I continue to train for the full marathon I’m running in Chicago in October. As you can imagine, running in Colorado is much different than running in Oklahoma. Running at a high altitude in the mountains makes running doubly hard, but I did it any way. The first day I ran, it was cold, windy, and the hills about got the best of me…but step by step, breath by breath…I just kept running. Each day, I continued running, and each day was hard.
However, on the last day I ran, I discovered something. Yes, the run was still incredibly difficult. In fact, most of my daily runs were uphill…steep, uphill inclines. But, on the last day, I found myself feeling stronger. I struggled up the hills, but not as bad. I still struggled to breath, but wasn’t gasping for air like I did the first day. My legs still burned, but felt stronger…and step by step, breath by breath, I completed the final run.
As I was running, something hit me though. It was something I’ve thought before, but in the midst of running, I was just vividly reminded of a powerful reality. What came over me as I struggled to run, and climb the hills, and breath, was that this is what it feels like to live with emotional pain. Living with emotional pain is exhausting, overwhelming at times, causes you to want to quit, makes you feel defeated, and on and on. BUT…just as I ran step by step and breath by breath and kept pressing on, so I must do the with my emotional pain. I just have to keeping living step by step and breath by breath…that’s the only way to make it.
When I would run in those mountains of Colorado, I wasn’t thinking about how far the house was, I was just thinking about my next step…my next breath. I wasn’t thinking “just one more mile,” or even one more 1/2 mile or 1/4 mile…I was thinking “one more step,” “one more breath”…”come on Jeremy, you can do this.” In those moments, I realized that this is how I’m going to have to approach the rest of my life as I learn to live without Trey. I can’t think about how long it will be until the Lord returns, or how long it will be until I see Trey again, or how I’m going to make it another 40 or 50 years…all I can think about is my next step and my next breath.
Just like my body “somewhat” adjusted to running in the mountains, so I pray my heart can “somewhat” adjust to living with emotional pain. Running in the mountains is never easy, not even for the most physically fit person, and living with emotional pain will never be easy, not even for the most spiritually fit person…but…one step and one breath at a time, I’m praying I get a little stronger each day. As I have thought so many times, “Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow”…and that only happens step by step and breath by breath!
As the old praise song says, “And step by step You’ll lead me, and I will follow You all of my days.” I’m asking the Lord Jesus Christ to give me what I need for my next step and my next breath. If you are living with emotional pain, don’t look too far ahead…just focus on your next step and your next breath! That’s really all you can do and truly the only way to live with emotional pain.
You pray for me and I’ll pray for you…”Heavenly Father, please give us strength for our next step and our next breath until You return or call us home.”
I’m currently flying home from speaking at a youth camp in Florida. The theme of the camp was “Flood: How to handle the storms of life.” I preached through the book of Jonah all week, and enjoyed sharing my heart with these high school students. We talked a lot about how hard this life is, but how important it is to trust the Lord and glorify Him in all things…even hard things. As I wrapped the camp up this morning, little would I know what this day would hold.
As I was headed to the airport this morning, I got a call that one of our church members, a young mother of three, was unresponsive and was having CPR done on her. I know this family well. Two of this family’s boys are in the same grade as my two oldest sons. We love this family so much. I hung up the phone and prayed with my friend who was taking me to the airport. Once I got to the airport, it wasn’t long before I found out she had passed away in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. My heart broke…I wept…I prayed…I communicated with the staff…I was just overwhelmed.
As the day went on, another friend of ours we have been praying for, who is battling cancer, took a turn for the worst this morning, and I found out that she is on the brink of meeting Jesus. It could be any hour…it could even be as I’m writing this. She is also a young mother in her 30’s, just like my other friend who went to be with the Lord this morning. This lady is married and has a 4 year old daughter. Oh how my heart grieved when I read her husband’s post (***UPDATE: this dear friend just went to be with Jesus at 4pm today, July 5, 2014***).
I also just read another update on Caringbridge from another young mother of 7 children, who is battling terminal cancer at an alternative care facility in Arizona. She is also in her 30’s and barring a miracle, she looks to meet Jesus at some point in the near future as well. Her husband put out an encouraging post today, but her physical situation requires nothing short of a miracle.
Three mothers…one who has already gone to be with Jesus…one very close…and another fairly close as well. I was reminded of this verse…a verse Emily and I clung to so often in the hospital: “From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I (Psalms 61:2).” Time and time again, I have to remember that when life is overwhelming…I have to go to the “Rock” that is higher than I. I have to run to my Savior Jesus Christ…the only stability in my life…the only constant source of strength…the only true peace. I cannot imagine not having Jesus Christ to run to.
All three of these families are Christians…which is fantastic…but still hard is so many ways. I grieve for the husbands, the kids, family members, church families, friends, etc. But, I grieve with hope. The lady who went to be with Jesus this morning accepted Christ three years ago at our church as a 36 year old woman. As I wept today, I wept with gratitude in my heart to God for reaching down and saving her three years ago! I can’t imagine facing this day unsure of where she stood with the Lord…but three years ago she bowed her knee to Jesus, and because of that, she is in His presence forever and ever. She loved Trey and I smile thinking of she and Trey being together.
But I just want to say one thing…and I hope you will really listen to this one simple thing;
YOU NEED TO KNOW JESUS CHRIST!!! Oh dear friend come to Jesus…come and find forgiveness…come and find life! Listen to me, you are not guaranteed another breath, and what you do with Jesus in this life determines where you go in the next. Jesus is the only way to heaven…NO ONE gets to the Father except through Him! TODAY is the day of salvation and if you don’t know Christ, here is what you need to do RIGHT NOW:
-You need to admit you have sinned
-You need to repent…turn from your sin and trust in Jesus
-You need to believe Jesus Christ was the sinless Son of God, that He died on the Cross for your sin and that He was raised from the dead showing His power over all things
-You need to confess Jesus as Lord…simply said, Jesus needs to be the “boss of your life.”
If you are ready to accept Christ, pray this prayer right now and believe it with all your heart (these are not magic words…this needs to be a prayer of faith and the true confession of your heart…and don’t pray this prayer unless you’re ready to leave all for the One you are giving your life to. This is not a ‘get a out of hell prayer’…this is a give your entire life to Jesus prayer). So, if you’re ready, pray it in faith:
“Jesus, I know I’m a sinner. I’ve done wrong. And right now, I repent of my sin and place my trust in You. I believe You died on the Cross for me…for my sin, and I believe You were raised from the dead to give me true life. Jesus, I give You my life…be the boss of my life…be my Lord. I love You Jesus and mean this prayer with all my heart. Thank you for saving me, for dying for me, and for giving me life.”
If you prayed that prayer for the first time…please let me or someone know!!! According to the Word of God, you are a Christian now and have been born again. Get involved in a Bible believing/preaching church and tell a pastor of your decision.
Listen to me…life is so short and so fragile. Give your life to Jesus and live for eternal things!!!
We delivered the toys (9 boxes and 4 big sacks), circled up and prayed asking God to use these toys in many children’s lives, shed some “happy tears,” and hopefully were a blessing!
God, You are good! Thank You for continuing to use Trey! Please hug him for us! We love you Super Trey!!! We know you’re not missing out, we’re just missing you!
A big thank you to the ladies from the hospital who helped us, including our friend Lisa Hale!
I know I’ve been posting a lot lately…but much is in my heart. Here are a few encouragements to my fellow weary travelers in this life…to those who have said or will say, “I can’t live like this or with this for the rest of my life”…for the one with chronic physical, relational, and emotional pain…BE ENCOURAGED:
Although God will bring 100% healing eternally, sometimes temporally, He chooses to hold us instead of heal us. Thank you Lord for this gift!!!
Without faith it’s impossible to please God, but faith’s focus must be Jesus Christ – and no one draws close to Christ who doesn’t first share in His sufferings.
Sometimes God delivers us from the storm and at other times He delivers us through the storm! It’s completely in His hands.
But I trust in You, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in Your hands.” Psalm 31:14-15
You can’t teach about suffering from a textbook!
Jesus is a battlefield Jesus who is at my side in the dangerous, often messy trenches of daily life. He is my rescuer, ready to wade through pain, death, and hell itself to find me, grasp me, and bring me safely through! The more intense the pain, the closer His embrace!!!
Our suffering is the key to helping God’s desires become our desires…why? Because His power is PERFECTED in weakness!!!
In God’s grace, He foresees your fear and doesn’t chide or scold you for it. He anticipates it and provides way out of it for you! Amen!!!
Many Christians don’t see God in their trials. If no dramatic miracles seem to be happening – if the floods aren’t receding or the cancer isn’t in remission, they think God must not be at work. If we could only watch God work behind the scenes, we would have a greatly expanded view of His miraculous work!
God is moved by your tears! He stores them in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). His compassion is so great that He remembers your afflictions for all time. He loves you and suffers with you. Keep trusting and resting in Him…one day you will be TOTALLY free!!!
As Christians, we have been totally and eternally healed of sin by Christ’s wounds (Isaiah 53), but He may not choose to give temporary deliverance and relief from your current pain…BUT whether he grants relief to the temporary pain or not, just remember, that healing is right around the corner in our Father’s house!!!
Bottom line: God can do as He likes. HE IS GOD! As Isaiah declares, “My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.” And as Job says, “He stands alone, and who can oppose Him? He does whatever He pleases.”
-I’m indebted to Joni Eareckson Tada. I’m reading her book, A Place of Healing, from where many of these thoughts come.
I wish I could say today was easier than it was, but it wasn’t. Today was a challenge for the whole family. It was very difficult going back to the hospital where Trey was born, the hospital where he was treated on and off for 7 years, the hospital where he spent over 200 days in 2012-2013, and the hospital where he stepped into eternity with Jesus! Medical City Hospital carries many memories, both good and bad, for our family.
It was particularly difficult seeing my oldest daughter grieve so hard today, my two sons shed tears remembering the times they spent with Trey in the hospital, and my youngest daughter grieve in her own way as she continues to try and make sense of it all…and to see my wife struggle so deeply as she remembered the countless hours she spent with Trey there and the precious memories she carries in her heart. I found myself asking, “How can I shoulder all this. It’s just too much. How can I heal, and minister, and preach, and lead, and on and on? God, I just can’t do it.”
And do you know what…it is in those moments where God shows up strong. He thrives showing Himself strong on behalf of the weak. He loves hearing his kids say that they cannot handle stuff because he knows that is when we begin really depending on Him. Well, that is what I was reminded of once again today…I don’t have to shoulder all this, I can’t shoulder all this, God does not expect me to shoulder all this. God simply asks me to trust Him and yield control to Him. He wants me to give it ALL to Him.
I was also quick to realize that God has been the one shouldering everything all along anyway. You probably are familiar with the famous poem “Footprints in the Sand”…well today, I realized that has been more than a poem for me, it’s been a reality. As the poem says, “In the hard times in my life, there was only one set of footprints.” But why? Why would God leave me during those times? He didn’t! As the poem says, “It was in those times that He carried me.” God has been carrying me and my family all along, even when we didn’t and still don’t realize it. His grace has been sufficient and His power has been perfected in our weakness. I am so grateful to God for the grace, patience, and strength He has provided to us.
Any way, today was tough…but, we made it through…just as we have been doing the last 9 months, one breath and one step at a time. I’m so grateful for my family. They are doing so well. They are each trusting in the Lord in their own way and I am so proud of each of them. We pulled together today…we asked the Lord for help…we received tremendous prayer support…and we are still standing. God has been so good to us and continues to take our shattered hearts and put them back together…something only He can do.
Oh how we miss Trey…all of us…but we rejoice that because of Christ, we will see him again. As I was driving this morning, I had this thought: “Death would be unbearably bitter if it weren’t for the sweet taste of heaven that comes only through the glorious hope Jesus Christ provides!” I can’t imagine having no hope. Jesus is our anchor and our hope today and every day. As the old hymn says, “Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.” We are living the reality of that truth every single day.
Thank you for standing with us in prayer today. We love our extended family in the Body of Christ. So many of you have been such a blessing to us. We love you! Tonight, as I lay my head on my pillow, and remember the day Trey stepped into eternity, I am reminded of a few words from a new Stephen Curtis Chapman song called “See you in a little while” that means so much to me:
“I hold your hand and watch as the sun slowly fades; far in the distance the Father is calling your name and it’s time for you to go home
And everything in me wants to hold on
But I’m letting you go with this goodbye kiss and this promise
I’ll see you in a little while
I’ll see you in a little while
It won’t be too long now
We’ll see it on the other side
The wait was only the blink of an eye
So I’m not gonna say goodbye
‘Cause I’ll see you in a little while”
Thank you Jesus for the glorious hope of heaven…thank you for carrying Trey all the way home, and one day us too. Thank you that we will see him in a little while. We rejoice in You and worship Your holy name.
In honor of Father’s Day, here is a video we made a few years ago. Trey loved this video and showed it to all the doctors and nurses. He thought it was hilarious! Love you Trey!
Toby Robert Stewart went to be with Jesus June 12, 2013
Cynthia Ann McMains went to be with Jesus August 18, 2013
Trey Robert Freeman went to be with Jesus September 1, 2013
As I shared about Toby, Cynthia, and Trey last night and shared how Trey came to know Jesus, 21 children asked Jesus to be the boss of their life! To know that eternity was changed last night and that God used my 7 year old little boy’s journey to do it…just makes me smile!
“Life is less sweet, death is less bitter, heaven is more real.”
Heading back to kids camp brings to mind a flood of memories from last year. This time last year, my brother and sister-in-law, Ben and Jeannie Stewart, had a rough week. On June 12, 2013, their 85-day-old son, Toby, went to be with Jesus. I remember driving back-and-forth from camp last year just praying for a miracle. Of course, Trey was in his own fight at the same time, along with my mother-in-law who was battling cancer as well. I remember getting the call that Toby had taken a turn for the worst and was close to stepping into eternity. I didn’t have long to get to Dallas, but I sped there as quickly as I could, and walked into the PICU in just enough time to be there with Ben and Jeannie, and my wife, as Toby breathed his last earthly breath, but took his first eternal breath in the presence of Jesus. It was a heart wrenching time, but the Lord was with us all, carrying us every step of the way.
Toby went to be with Jesus on June 12, and in August, his grandmother and my mother-in-law, Cynthia, went to be with Jesus, and not long after that, Toby’s cousin and my precious son, Super Trey, went to be with Jesus as well. Needless to say, the summer of 2013 was a difficult season of life for our family. Our hearts were shattered in many ways, but slowly the Lord is putting the pieces back together. None of us will ever be the same…we have all been changed forever…and every day, we are asking God to hold us, to carry us, and to keep making us more like His Son, Jesus Christ.
Please life up my brother and sister-in-law this week, as they approach the one year anniversary of their son stepping into eternity with Jesus Christ
pastorjfreeman 